Hi everyone,
I'm still running from menopause. It seems like I ran the NYC Marathon several months ago but it was just over 3 weeks ago. As you can imagine, it was surreal. I took a week off running and slowly I began running again.... okay maybe not slow enough but you know I need this. I don't feel like I over did it but I had to keep moving. I signed up for 2 turkey trots (now complete), the Hot Chocolate Run (a 15k in San Francisco) in January and finally the Bay to Breakers in May 2016. I'm looking for a good half marathon somewhere in between, but for now I'm training for the 15k. 

I have to say that I am proud of myself. I didn't just quit after the marathon. I continued to look at this as an experiment - figuring out what to do to make my old body stronger so I can run more efficiently. I know I need to train on the hills and really build strength. I know this running thing is a journey and some days I'll be strong and other days, I just won't (hey- kind of like life, right?) 

I still really need to check my EGO.... I ran the school Turkey Trot on Friday, Nov 20 with my fav Senior girls. I signed us up for a non-competitive run but damn, you couldn't tell. These kids run really fast. We came in last of our heat because, well, I'm slow. I won't lie, it bothered me. I also ran a Turkey Trot in Walnut Creek on Thanksgiving and I did really well. I ran a 9:46 per mile pace and I was very happy with that! I actually finished with my brother and my niece.  I was so happy with my endurance and how my body responded. 

It's so funny when I start a run that there is always this nagging thought - oh no, this is hard, why the hell am I doing this? I just know how much it helps. My new mantra is - It's not what I am, it's what I want to be. So I'm pretending... I'm pretending to be strong and able. I'm pretending to be confident in my ability. I'm pretending to be an athlete. When I'm not running the feeling just carries over. Things that would have bothered me - JUST DOESN'T. Things that are important me are crystal clear and everything else JUST DOESN'T MATTER. I have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I have faced my Inner Critic and EGO and I'm okay. Oh I'm sure they'll still slap me upside my head but I'll be able to pull through. 

One other aspect of my running journey is art, creativity, and vulnerability.  Running gives me time to think about what I want to create. Sometimes it is just right in front of my face but it isn't clear until I'm off running. In fact everything becomes clearer. I'm actually becoming more comfortable with my vulnerability. One day after school I went to run on our high school track, but when I went there the football team was still practicing. Okay, I did not want to run around that track with the team there. I went to the adjacent grass field... but when I went to tie my shoelace a little tighter, I lost my footing and fell into the sticker bush. Picking stickers out of my butt was well, embarrassing. I decided to run on Foothill Rd. and damn it was hilly. I really felt outside of my comfort zone but I just kept moving. This is what I need to hold on to... just keep moving. Just keep doing. 

Well, sorry if I'm rambling but it's been awhile. Go out there and DO EPIC SHIT! Whatever that looks like... do it. Take a risk. 

This is where I will resume my blog if you are still interested. Thanks!

Hi everyone,

I started writing this on my flight home to the Bay Area but it took me the entire week to reflect on the whole TCS NYC Marathon experience. I am so happy I did it, but I won’t lie, I was not happy about my performance. The run was so crazy… there were people everywhere… little kids on the side of the road reaching their hand out to get a high five; families calling out your name in support and bands playing music to keep you moving.

At one point during the race the “Whip it” song came on my music and there was this crowd on the side of the street with police blocking a road… I stopped and you know what I did… MoMo whipped it and did the Nae Nae. The crowd went crazy and I decided to have fun. If I had only known… that my calves would literally seize up around mile 8 or 9, perhaps I would have been less crazy. I wasn’t overly concerned with my time… okay, maybe a little.  I was running along and literally my calves balled up. I couldn’t run, I was afraid I would trip and fall. I stopped and sat on the side of the street. I tried to massage my calves and I realized I might not get up. What the hell?  I have run so much further than this without any difficulties. I have to say there were more hills than I imagined; perhaps I overexerted myself. Immediately my EGO entered my thoughts (you know him, he’s friends with my Inner Critic). I really wanted to end the race around 5 hours but I knew now that would not happen. I picked my sorry ass up and continued. I ran a bit… the muscles seized again and I ran more. My pace was so much slower than before. I started thinking that I needed more fuel so I began eating my goo’s and drinking at the water stations.

For a while, I felt a little better. On one of the bridges (not sure which, but I think the second), I saw runners stretching out but leaning on the poles. I did that and felt a little relief so I decided I would do that every so often when I felt uncomfortable or in pain. I saw everyone taking selfies on the bridge and I thought, what the hell, I may as well get some selfies (those are the selfies I posted on Facebook).  I told my EGO to shut his face while I made my way through the race and make the best of the experience.

I was so blessed to have this trip. My brother took care of everything, the room, the plane ride, and several amazing meals. I could not have done this marathon without him. 

Note: About the EGO, Wayne Dyer referred to the EGO as Earth Guide Only. The EGO can’t bring you closer to your true nature. It was primarily concerned with others’ opinions of you, of how you look to the rest of the world. EGO cannot accept failure, even though you know that failure can bring about so much growth. EGO cares about your reputation and is wrapped up with appearance.

The course was relentless and brutal. I was pissed. How could I be so easily fooled? Who do I think I am? (Inner Critic) You have to push through and run harder (EGO). Then my calves would ball up again. Why was I doing this? What was I trying to prove? I looked down at my duct tape nametag that I made so spectators could call out my name as I ran. At first I had written Trish and then my brother pointed out that it should be MoMo. So it said “MoMo’s Doin It!”  Well my nametag was crunched up… MoMo looked tired and haggard. I heard a couple people call out to me…. And when I looked over I saw my brother’s in-laws, Rich and Arlene, and I ran over to them. You know how you feel when you see your parents after something bad has happened? I saw them and burst into tears. They saw me stop on the tracker and they were worried I was dropping out. They gave me words of encouragement and that propelled me to keep moving.

I looked at my phone and I saw the messages and realized that so many friends were tracking me. The EGO chimed in – commenting on my pace and time – but I kept moving. I began thinking about this podcast with this yoga teacher was talking about Grace and Grit. That is what held on to. This was freakin hard but damn it I could do this. I continued on with the race.

The pain was pretty bad. I knew I had to do this. I raised money from people who believed in me. The day before the race I went to a meet and greet with the Tillman Foundation. I listened to stories of the Tillman Scholars who had received scholarships. My cramping calves were NOTHING compared to what these people had been through. One of the scholar recipients spoke of losing her husband on Christmas day during his tour and then having to deal with the aftermath. The Tillman Foundation gave her an educational scholarship and she’s going to help Vets navigate their lives after they get out of the service, the red tape and the paperwork. One woman who is a soldier had undergone a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy due to cancer. She is an ultra marathoner…. She is badass.  I had to keep moving in their honor.

Towards the end, I was literally crying. My brother had been waiting over an hour. I know I’ve run 20 miles but I’m telling you now the last 6 felt like another 20. This is so ridiculous! There were still up hills and by the way, mile 22 felt like 2 miles. Then my final morbid thought, I am 53 and I’m running a marathon. If I were my mom, I would have been dead already. I had to do this. I have been making these silly videos for Sophia saying “MoMo’s doin it.” I had to do it. I kept pushing – walking – running – walking – running. Finally the end was right in front of me. All of it was over, sort of and then there was the walk …. long walk to get our medal (which, by the way, is amazing), the food bag, and the poncho…. Holy crap it was a long walk. Then there was an uphill …. Really? I kept moving. I literally wanted to throw up. I was in so much pain and I just wanted to sit. I found my brother and we hugged. We did it! Believe it or not, we went back to the hotel and met his in-laws for dinner. I could barely carry on a conversation because my calves hurt so bad.

Finally, I have to say that my support system was ENORMOUS. My husband who was there at the end of the long runs, sometimes to pick me up where I stopped, and listened to my playback of every mile.  My kids who sent me texts and words of encouragement. To my grandbabies, Sophia and Joey… who make me happier than any run. My Foothill family, who gave me regular pep talks and advice, my students who wrote me notes if I hit the wall (wow! That was amazing).  My friends who love me unconditionally… my cheer family and complete strangers who believed.

Now what? It is a week today since I ran the marathon. Looking back I feel better because I finished. I dealt with my Inner Critic and my Ego and told them what was up. I am going to keep running after I recover and I’ve already lined up a couple of short races. My son and my daughter are going to run with me. I feel antsy and I want to get back at it because I know the reason I started this is because it made me feel good. In the end, I’m learning to accept myself for who I am, flaws and all. I did not run the NYC Marathon the best I could… I’m not sure why my calves cramped up but I FINISHED. Right now I will accept that and look to the next race. MoMo did it!